remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
