Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
