I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
