I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
