Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
