She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
