oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
