I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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