ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
