i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
