nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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