he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
