I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
