It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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