where does the pee come out of this thing
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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