Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize