I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
