I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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