Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
