In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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