Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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