just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize