what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
