Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
