she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
