There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
