he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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