every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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