We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
