maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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