I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
honey bunches of taint.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
