last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
