I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
