false alarm. still invincible.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
