Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
