It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
