he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
