I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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