This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I want to stick my p in your. b.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Is Oprah even human
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
