he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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