Will you blow on my dice?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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