so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize