so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
