What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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