textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
