I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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