i think i have two assholes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
