We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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