Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
