I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
