'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
