I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize