he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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