matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
