Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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