Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
