Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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