Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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