I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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