It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Im part way to drunk.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
