i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
this hospital has no fireball
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
