Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
