I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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