Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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