I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
