If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
