We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
