I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
