Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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