i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
