I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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