He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
