just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
