i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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