just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
