areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
