the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize