thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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