How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
