Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
