just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
