Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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