I cockslap morals
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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