im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize