my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
her vagine was all disorganized.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
