Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
