hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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