fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
