I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
