Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
