I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
false alarm, still single
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
