Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
